Can't sleep, brain won't shut up

Thinking about the future is a terrifying thing. In the past month, I've been asked if I plan on seriously coming home or just simply asked to come home a number of times. I've found that trying to figure out an answer to these questions/requests is tiring and difficult. Why is that you ask? Let's make a list. (Why? Because lists are fun, that's why.)

For Ecuador
1) I have a job here. While it's true that I don't want to stay at CEC for the rest of my life, it is a steady job and I get to do what I love - teach. (For the record, I like CEC but it seems more of a temporary work place as there is such a high teacher turnover rate.) It doesn't pay a ton of money, but it pays enough to live and travel.

2) One of the best friends I've ever had in my life lives here. Not to mention some of my other close friends that I've made. Going to watch football on Sunday nights, running around Quito, or hanging out in Machala are all things I spend my week looking forward to. Plus, like I said, one of the closest friends I've ever had lives here. This is not something I take lightly especially when you consider that I have lost touch with the majority of my friends back in the States.

3) Life is more relaxed here. I don't worry about a lot of the things I used to. I'm also a lot healthier. (Remember the 50 - 60 lbs. I lost in the first 6 months or so? They haven't come back yet.) I still worry about things, like getting robbed, but it seems like I worry about less. And what I do worry about seems to actually be important, not something like my cell phone is running a little slow.

For the U.S.
1) My family is there. I know I wouldn't see them as much, but they would be close by in case of an emergency. I miss my sister quite a bit. I said I lost touch with most of my friends, and this is true, but I do still have some good friends there. I also have a boy who's requested (albeit I'm not sure how seriously) that I come back. Before any of my family gets the wrong idea, I wouldn't ever move anywhere for anyone, but I'm still curious to know where it would go and how it would work out. People like that don't just come into your life every day.

2) I have to pay off my student loans sometime. I definitely don't make enough money here to pay them off, and the longer I defer them, the more the interest is going to add up. However, I have been considering working at the school for the embassy workers' children if I want to stay here longer. I think then I could start making enough to pay off the loans.

3) I desperately miss Austin, TX. Especially when it's cold, rainy, windy, or cloudy here. I really miss going to ACL with Dad and Ally. I miss the friendly, strange atmosphere of Austin. I miss the music scene.

4) And going to football games instead of watching them on TV. Of course, this wouldn't be as possible as I think it would be. For those of you who don't know, I hate the Cowboys and I love the Packers. Unfortunately, Lambeau is located in Green Bay and not Austin. So maybe this doesn't count as a reason as much as I think it does.

5) I don't have to worry about a visa or legal documents to stay in the country. This really isn't as big of a deal as I think it is, but it's nice to be in a country where you're a legal citizen and don't have to worry about legally staying and working.

So as I hope you can see, trying to make a decision about my future is not easy. Sometimes it stresses me out because I feel older than I really am. I'm only 23. Why do I need to make big decisions? Oh right, because I'm not in college anymore. Still, it seems unfair that this should be such a stressful choice. Maybe I'll just decide to move to a different country instead. Although I know I can't outrun responsibility forever. Those college loans gotta be paid sometime.

I have decided that writing and maintaing a blog is very difficult. I'm pretty sure a big part of this comes from 2 things: 1) I am lazy and have other things happening and 2) I don't really like putting information about me on the Internet. Buuut as this is also the easiest way to update people about my life in Ecuador, I guess I should keep doing it.

Let's see, the biggest thing since I last wrote has been my new tattoo. I got it 2 Saturdays ago, so by now it's basically healed. You can still see the red in the picture because it was taken the same day I got it. (There's no red now, don't worry.) It's the first one I've gotten that isn't covered all the time, so it's gotten questions and comments. (And yes, I can cover it if I need to, for those of you worried about it.)

Anyway, football season has started again. This means spending nights/afternoons at Finn McCool's watching the Packers and trying to explain football rules to Israel. There's another CEC teacher from Wisconsin who comes to watch the games too, so I've got another person who yells at the screen with me. :-) Next game's tomorrow, so I'll be hurrying over as soon as my students finish their tests. (Hopefully before 8 so I don't miss too much of the game which starts at 7:30.)

Let's see, what else...went to Otavalo again yesterday. Haven't been there since I went with Israel back in April or May. Anne knows of a good pie place there - I haven't found pie in Quito yet - so I had delicious apple pie for the first time in over a year. It was fun hanging out with Anne and Beto, and, for once, I didn't have to take the bus (yes!). I also went to the Panecillo for the first time in a year yesterday evening with Israel and his brother. Quito is gorgeous at night with all the lights in every direction. You can really see that it's not that wide east to west but really long north to south. And now that I know how parts of the city are laid out better, I could actually spot things.

Anyway, I think that's about all I've got. Haven't really don't a ton of exciting things - just living life and what not. The cycle ends in 2 weeks and then I'll probably head to Machala to see Iris. Perhaps I'll have some stuff to talk about then. :-)